Thursday, April 5, 2012

Finding Balance

   As a mom I really struggle with finding balance.  How much time during the day should I play with each kid, how much time should be spent cleaning, teaching the kids, crafts with kids,  playing online, doing bible study, laundry, phone calls, reading, watching T.V. and finally "me time".  I know it doesn't sound like a lot...but if you're a mom you probably understand.  This doesn't even have the days I go grocery shopping so take Deci to school...some days have more going on than others.  I'm sure I'm not the only mom out there that struggles with this.  I sometimes wonder if I feel this way because of my first child's need to have me near.  She wants me to play with her 24/7.  Seriously, I could probably play with her every waking minute and she would still want me to play with her more.

   I feel like there are not enough hours in the day sometimes.  The house is almost always a mess.  I almost always have a kid at my side asking me to play with them and I honestly almost always crave "Me time".  I understand that as I signed up for this mom job that I gave up a lot of my me time or I have to be creative and have that time when the kids are in bed.  I've had several moms with older kids that tell me to "let the house go and spend time with those babies or you'll regret it when they are older."  I understand this but a part of me just wants to do something that feels like I'm normal.  Not just a mom that's changing diapers, cleaning up spills, playing barbies, calming crying kids, teaching them how to share... sometimes I just want to clean.  I want my house to look clean even though it hardly ever is.

  I know also how important it is to teach your kids to play by themselves.  To teach themselves how to entertain themselves.  I somehow messed up on this with Deci but with Journey she just wants to follow Deci around.  Journey has always been more content playing my herself and I know that has a lot to do with being a second child.  I actually called a friend back in Alabama a few months ago to ask her what her day was like as a stay-at-home-mom when her kids where my girls age.  I know that with every age it's different but I just needed to see an example.  I'm such a "by the book" kind of mom.  I can sometimes be a perfectionist even though I'm SOOO far from being perfect.  I just have a hard time balancing all that needs (or all I want) to be done during the day.

  I talked with a friend this morning that said she will set her kitchen timer for 10 or 15 minutes and clean until the timer goes off.  Or she will set it and play with her kids until the timer goes off.  She said she does that because she use to start cleaning the kitchen then walk away to do something else and never get the kitchen clean.  So, today I'm going to try this because I do the same thing.  Even sometimes I'll sit to play with the girls and then remember that I didn't put the clothes in the wash so I'll get up and go do that and then remember something else that needs to be done.  I know there doesn't have to be this schedule everyday...even though in Audrey's Perfect World there would be a schedule! haha!  I just don't want to neglect my kids.  I want them to know I love them.  I want to do my Job and clean the house and cook, I want to do my bible study everyday, and I need me blog or read.  I'm just being honest with you guys today.  I know there aren't a ton of moms that read my blog but if you are a mom and have suggestions for me I'd love to hear from you.

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